You won’t hear me talk about my personal life or marriage on here very often but today I’m making an exception. I spent the first 37 years of my life being single and always wanted to get married but wasn’t about to marry just anyone who came along for the sake of getting married. Nevermind that the first 18 years of those 37 years were spent in the closet. I never even kissed a person romantically until I was 19! But that’s another story.
I want to talk about the compromises we make when we get married. I love being married and I love my husband but I’d be daft to think both of us haven’t made some compromises by being married. For example – I’m very much an introverted homebody and Troy very much likes being a social butterfly so I have no doubt I’ve cramped his style a bit.
When we’re single we have flexibility. If you want to travel the world this year get up and make it happen! If you want to try being a monk this year – go for it! But when you’re married you have to make compromises for the sake of both (or all) in the marriage.
Here are some of the compromises we make in my house:
Tech – I’d probably be an Android user and living in
G Suite Google Workspace but Troy hates Android. He did compromise with me once and we tried Android and he hated it. So back to the iPhones we went. After all – you have to be on the same platform for cost and simplicity. We also are on O365 because Troy insists on having a licensed copy of Office. I’d be perfectly fine with Google or Apple’s free versions but Troy likes Office. When I sit down each year and look at tech expenses the license cost for Office always dictates which platform we all live in. So we use OneDrive, not Google Drive. We live in Azure, not iCloud.
Minimalism – If I had it my way I’d be living in a tiny trailer attached to the bumper of my Jeep and I’d own a total of 90 items (including the Jeep and camper trailer). I throw stuff away. I hate stuff. I attribute this to George Carlin and The Minimalists. Troy is not a fan of this lifestyle. He likes shopping for kitchen accessories. He likes holding on to old furniture. He likes our life in a house. And I want him to be happy with these things. So the compromise is that I look for opportunity where I can find it (and sneak things I know aren’t important into the trash when he’s not looking – and he NEVER misses it). When we get paper – GOD I HATE PAPER – such as bills or notices in the mail I always scan the important stuff to our NAS and I shred everything. No stacks of paper live in our house. It bothers me but Troy wouldn’t care.
Money – along with minimalism I don’t like to spend money. I’m perfectly fine sitting at home and watching any of the FOUR streaming services we now pay for. This is a fine day by me. But Troy likes to get out and do things. In our year of COVID that usually means just getting in the car and driving for a few hours – making stops only for gas and drive-thru food. On average we probably spend $60 on those days. I see that as $60 wasted but it makes Troy happy so it really isn’t wasted.
Fitness – in my older years I find myself getting fat and more immobile. I’d like nothing more than to take a walk after dinner. No, I’m not suggesting we run a marathon but an evening walk around the neighborhood would be nice. But Troy has a bum knee and it would be painful for him. I use this as an excuse – why would I want to go for a walk alone when I could just sit on the couch and drink?
When we marry up we give up our individualism in favor of something more. The tradeoff is that we get to spend our life with someone we love and hopefully someone who will put up with our bullshit. Such people can be hard to find.
I’m learning to embrace the compromises both Troy and I make for each other. The benefits far outweigh the cost. Love you, Troy.